PEACE PRACTICES: Savitha Nanjangud on Compassion
The Yin Yang Story
Ever since I read a translation of the Tao Te Ching I have been curious about the deeper meaning of the Yin Yang symbol. At first glance it seems to show the blending of opposites to make a whole. As we know, night and day, hot and cold, pain and pleasure, likes and dislikes all co-exist, whether in nature or in our bodies or minds. On deeper reflection we see that it is only through the blending of the opposites that the Universe is able to balance itself and make itself whole.
In the last few years I have watched with dismay and anxiety, just like millions of other American citizens, our country getting more and more polarized and deeply divided. People getting more deeply entrenched in their own ideologies and beliefs and unable to have civil dialogues with the other side. The Republican vs Democrats, Capitalists vs Socialists, Environmentalists vs Climate change deniers, Left vs Right, Us vs Them etc. The more strident one group gets, the harder the other side pushes back. It seems to always be a win-lose situation. The attitude has become ‘for me to be right you have to be wrong’. The fragmentation is threatening to tear the country apart.
And this fragmentation was spilling over into our families. I began to have many arguments and disagreements with my own daughter and husband. How can people in the same family feel so distant from each other? I had a choice to avoid talking about some of the triggering issues but then that would make the relationships superficial and unfulfilling. How do we get past these differences?
Often I caught myself asking, how can I convince my daughter? How can I get her to see that I am right and she is wrong. Until one day I suddenly realized that I had been asking myself the entirely wrong question. A more important question would be, how can I understand her? What if I open my mind to the small possibility that she may be partially right based on what she knows and I could be partially wrong based on what I don’t know? What if I validated and strengthened the part of her argument that I actually agreed with?
That small adjustment in my consciousness made a world of a difference. That small sliver of an opening that I created in my own mind allowed me to shift the conversation. I allowed myself to listen more deeply. I was able to find and validate some points in her argument that I agreed with. My validation of her then encouraged her to feel safer with me and she began to validate or make space for some of my beliefs and opinions. We asked each other more questions. We became more curious. We found that we didn’t have to avoid any topic because we were able to both talk and listen to each other peacefully.
To me that small opening I made in my mind to invite my daughter’s side of the story into my heart reminds me of the little black dot on the white half of the Yin Yang symbol. It is easy to miss it and yet it can make a world of a difference. The black side also carries a little white dot. These dots are a powerful reminder that each of us cannot possibly hold the whole truth. Our ‘truths’ are always partial. Our knowledge of the world is limited by our sources of information. It is also limited by the various filters we have developed over the years and apply unconsciously.
The wholeness and truth that we all seek can only come from accepting our limitations with humility and courage. It was easy for me to practice this with my daughter since I already had so much love for her. It might take some effort to extend this to a stranger on the other side of the aisle. But I believe it can absolutely be done. It will however take some reflection to find the dot in the other person’s story. The part of their story that we can resonate with. Trust that the dot is there and look for it. Love and Peace to all.
After 15 years in the semiconductor industry as an engineer and marketing manager, Savitha Nanjangud left to pursue the path of Yoga/Vedanta as a student, teacher and counselor. She is currently getting her Masters degree in Counseling Psychology at Santa Clara University. An ardent follower of the ancient Hindu tradition of Advaita Vedanta, she hopes to bring the rich knowledge and wisdom into her integrated practice of Spiritual Counseling and Psychotherapy. She can be reached at Savitha.nanjangud@gmail.com.
